Why You’re Unique

Dear Serwaa,

Before I start, let me apologize sincerely for what I’m about to write. Today I want to tell you something I’ve warned you not to talk about. I said in a previous letter that I hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend in my presence and even go ahead to compare our love-making prowess.

I still stand by that statement. I believe whatever happened between you and your former guy is gone and should be consigned to history. Irrespective of how good he was, he has moved on and the two of us have to build on the foundation we have laid in our relationship and also move on.

Today I’m tempted to make a comparison between you and my ex-girlfriend. The difference between my comparison and that of yours, however, is the context. Yours made me look inadequate, irresponsible and not good enough for you. Mine is to tell you why you stand so tall and unique among all the ladies I have ever dated.

I’m compelled to use my ex as the benchmark because before I proposed to you, I told you how I had gone for two years without dating. I thought I would never get anyone to fit into the shoes of Dela. When she walked out of my life, I thought that was the worst thing that ever happened to me; I didn’t know someone like you existed.

Serwaa, I will be very ungrateful to you and to God if I fail to acknowledge the fact that I can’t afford to lose you. It is a fact I cannot conceal from you. It is the fear of losing you that makes me too apprehensive sometimes. I know it can be annoying but if you put yourself in my shoes you will appreciate it.

I have in recent times written a lot letters to you complaining about a lot of issues. Being at the receiving side all the time, I know there is the temptation for you to believe that I don’t see anything good in you. Or perhaps, you’re wondering why I still dread losing you after the myriad of complaints against your attitude.

There is a Frafra story about a particular type of spider that traps and catches houseflies. Though the housefly is not a pleasant thing to hold, this spider still hunts them. But it never eats the housefly though it will carry it everywhere it goes. When it is asked to eat its prey, the spider would reply: “Should I eat a housefly?” And when asked to set the housefly free, however, it would retort with the same level of passion: “Should I let this meat to go?”

Serwaa, I‘m like that housefly-hunting spider as far as our relationship is concerned, except that I will not hide why can’t let go my fly. Despite all your shortcomings, there is this quality of yours I’m yet to find anywhere. Your cool temper is something I’ve never seen anywhere.

Your reaction even in the midst of serious provocation is a quality I appreciate so much and think I must commend you highly for it. I know as humans, it is normal to get angry. But whenever we lose our tempers, we also lose our minds. And that’s the occasion that sets a real lady from the rest.

I remember I stormed out of Dela’s birthday party when she got angry over a casual remark I made about her dress and called me an idiot in the presence of her friends and mine. If there was ever any serious attempt on my part to end that relationship, then that was the occasion.

Our friends prevailed on me to accept her apology and move on. Being who she is I’m sure they had a tough time persuading her to apologize. That was not the first time she had done that and that would not be the last. I discussed it with her and tried to prevail upon her to tame her anger even if a third party was at the receiving end. Her explanation was that getting angry was part of every human being and that anybody who offended her must pay for their actions. But you have proven to be different.

For three years since we entered into this relationship, I don’t remember a single occasion on which you got angry and misbehaved. This is not to say I have never offended you. I have done that in both public and privately. There have been occasions you showed no sign of anger but would wait until we are alone before you draw my attention to it.

Sometimes in the heat of writing to you I use certain words that I should never use. When the anger subsides and I think about what I have sent to you I always dread the reaction. But to my surprise, I often get a rather calm apology or mild disagreement.

In fact, your attitude makes me feel very ashamed of myself anytime I offend you. I just want to use this opportunity to thank you and tell you how appreciative I am of you. My intention is not to exploit your quality and unnerve you. I won’t hurt you intentionally. Never!

Serwaa, I used not to understand why some people would hold on to relationships even when their partners have certain repulsive behaviours until one day a friend explained it to me. Tamakloe, my friend whose girlfriend slapped him at the canteen, once told me that some people have certain qualities that outclass their peers. For that reason their partners cannot afford to lose them. “If she’s not beautiful outwardly, then she has inner beauty. Or she’s extremely good in bed,” he said.

Your attitude has confirmed it and I wish all ladies and guys in relationships would identify their strengths and build on them. We are not perfect, but like the concept of comparative advantage in Economics, I think there is a way everybody can make themselves indispensable in relationships.

My love, I have every reason to believe that this attitude would not only make you a good wife but also a good mother, a mother who will be accommodating and tolerant enough help mold the character of our children. I wish you thank you encourage you to keep it up. I am learning a lot from you.

When I visited my family during the Christmas break, my mother said she had realised I had worked a lot on my temper.

“I always said you would never get a stable relationship if you didn’t work your bad temper,” she confessed. She said she knew when I started dating I would be forced to deal with what she called my “ferocious” temper because that’s the only way I could live with a woman.

And she was all joy when I told her that I was learning from you. And I hope by the time I get half of your quality, my life and my relationship with people, especially you, would be the envy of every virtuous woman like you.

I will forever remain true to you and love you with appreciation.

Yours love,

Manasseh